I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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