the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
