Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
