NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
