There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
