Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
