I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
