I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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