so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize