so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
