And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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