$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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