i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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