At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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