Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So many bounce houses so little time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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