What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
