Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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