Christians are straight up FREAKS
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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