I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
