I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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