she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
