my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize