I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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