I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
