Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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