last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
