My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
