how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
