Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
