lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
