This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
