i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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