he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
