Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
