I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize