Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
