i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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