Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
