I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
