I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
