Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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