a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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