you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
