Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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