Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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