He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
