bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I understand Curling. That high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
