He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am midnight drunk by noon
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
