the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
