even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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