dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
