Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
