dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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