Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room