did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
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The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car