You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
