pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.