Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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  (910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332
  Replies (11) Good night (764) Bad night (3528)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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  (631): She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina http://tfl.nu/7w0w
  Replies (50) Good night (1537) Bad night (7959)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.

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  (414): Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover. http://tfl.nu/mgun
  Replies (4) Good night (2975) Bad night (802)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

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  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (7043) Bad night (1265)
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  (845): View more from New York

  im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night

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  (845): im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night http://tfl.nu/b154
  Replies (15) Good night (2540) Bad night (668)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1557) Bad night (654)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.

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  (206): You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want. http://tfl.nu/h1r5
  Replies (5) Good night (530) Bad night (1307)
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  (310): View more from California

  Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.

  (818): View more from California

  Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement

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  (310): Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp. (818): Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement http://tfl.nu/y16x
  Replies (2) Good night (1269) Bad night (430)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."

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  (208): It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate." (1-208): My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time." http://tfl.nu/9ozo
  Replies (3) Good night (1076) Bad night (485)
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  (760): View more from California

  Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.

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  (760): Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t. http://tfl.nu/80lo
  Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (468)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.

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  (304): Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened. http://tfl.nu/gr90
  Replies (8) Good night (2408) Bad night (482)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage

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  (757): It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage http://tfl.nu/6fy5
  Replies (1) Good night (1222) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."

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  (903): Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits." http://tfl.nu/82c3
  Replies (6) Good night (686) Bad night (179)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much

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  (413): So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much http://tfl.nu/o5r3
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (148)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.

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  (904): Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/5mlv
  Replies (1) Good night (330) Bad night (202)

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