FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
barbara walters just said penis...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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