Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

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  (512): She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe. http://tfl.nu/piri
  Replies (27) Good night (1038) Bad night (3164)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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  (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0
  Replies (39) Good night (5757) Bad night (1229)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

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  (630): he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something" http://tfl.nu/3v6x
  Replies (11) Good night (4792) Bad night (921)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.

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  (304): He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends. http://tfl.nu/db22
  Replies (7) Good night (1174) Bad night (3479)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  "people in the room" being me.

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  (336): the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine. (336): "people in the room" being me. http://tfl.nu/hpsj
  Replies (12) Good night (5732) Bad night (1411)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

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  (814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg
  Replies (84) Good night (7466) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out

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  (705): I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out http://tfl.nu/lvnp
  Replies (5) Good night (2545) Bad night (1088)
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  (951): View more from California

  DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness

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  (951): DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness http://tfl.nu/qa2j
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories

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  (719): No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories http://tfl.nu/o049
  Replies (0) Good night (658) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now

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  (604): Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now http://tfl.nu/0ski
  Replies (5) Good night (896) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.

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  (954): I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/1wnj
  Replies (5) Good night (886) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.

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  (801): She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch. http://tfl.nu/gwk7
  Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!

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  (920): I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me! http://tfl.nu/kvcq
  Replies (7) Good night (752) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)

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  (828): thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss) http://tfl.nu/ut31
  Replies (0) Good night (550) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me

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  (607): Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me http://tfl.nu/qp3z
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (401)

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