Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.