Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
