the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I smell like Dick and happiness
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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