yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
