I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
