All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
