Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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