i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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