I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
