i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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