I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
